Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
