i just had sex bonerless
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
