I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
either way he was missing a nipple.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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