her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
