my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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