I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
