you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's not a walk of shame if you run
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
