i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
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