pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
