We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
