I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
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