I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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