So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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