hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
