guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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