dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
