The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize