So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he shaved USA in his pubs
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
