She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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