Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
