I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
