Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
