My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
