very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize