fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
