There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
