I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
