I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
