hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
