The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
COCAINE IS GR8
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
