Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
