Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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