Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
