moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Everyone says I win the strip club
Those nachos came to me in a dream
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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