i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
and she was petting her beer can
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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