...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I am one with the molecules
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
