i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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