More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize