after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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