We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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