i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
