I wish my penis had an off switch
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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