i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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