I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
