Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
