i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we're making bets on your personal life
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
