Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
