oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You're like the curious george of whores
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
