Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
