why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Randomize
