Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize