apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
