everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't deserve a penis
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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