That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Panties = found
Randomize
