what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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