So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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