If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize