I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
babies were throwing up all over the place
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
