Just fell off a train. Bad.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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