Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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