No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
