Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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