I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
