some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
